Ah, I get it now.

I've always been described as the "cute one", the "funny girl" and the "best friend" by men and women alike. Never have I been described as "mysterious", "elegant", "demure", "lovely", or anything to that nature by anyone (okay, except for one time by a friend of mine, but only because I had just said that no one uses the word "lovely" anymore so I don't think that counts.)

Anyway, my sister had her celebrity look-alike thingy done and it made me wonder who I looked like. . . In Hollywood. . . Otherwise, I'm told that I look just like everyone else in my fam. When I was a teen, everyone told me that I looked like Helen Hunt so I thought for sure she'd be on that list. . . But NO. No such luck.

Apparently, I look like a Disney kid and a male one at that. Ricky Ullman is my number one look-alike. (Um, for all of you who don't leave your televisions on the Disney Channel all day for your dogs, Ricky Ullman is Phil on Disney's "Phil of the Future") He's the dream man for thousands of 14 year old young ladies. . . Just what I wanted. But then again, I look like Lalaine from Disney's "Lizzy Maguire" too. I guess I'm just destined to work for the mouse.

But the fact that I look like four people who aren't even old enough to drive brings me back to that whole "cute" thing. I guess I shouldn't complain, I mean at least I don't look like Betty White and Patrick Stewart (oh wait, my roommate just did this and found out that she looks like him, true story). But c’Mon. . . Jodi Sweetin?!!! The obnoxious middle child from "Full House"?! She's the non-Olsen twin and non-Kirk Cameron's sister one. She never had any good lines and wore denim vests the whole 2nd season.

Then there's the rest. That photo of Eva Herzigova (that sounds like a flesh wound) looks like she should be selling pleather underpants and feather boas. I think I saw Sarah Michelle Gellar tear someone's brain out through their ears one some show and I don't think that earned her a "mysterious" or "exotic" title. Drew Barrymore is the "Fire Starter" and JK Rowling, well she has more money than a small country so she's pretty tempting to any man, I'm sure.

But, like I said, this exercise has really opened my eyes. I'm destined to be cute. Any woman in her 30s and looks like a young Jodi Sweetin or a 15 year old boy should just accept that fact and move on with her life. I will never be mysterious, dark, and coy like all of those fabulous ladies in Hitchcock films. No, I'll be the Minnie Mouse of my generation. I will stand up for all those other "cute" women out there. We will have a battle cry. LONG LIVE JODI SWEETIN!


Neener said...

Ahh... the crush on Phil instantly comes into focus! Well, too bad he's not older... I mean, since you look so much alike, you might have made the perfect couple. :)

Gruntor said...

Cute's not so bad. People just tell me I look angry, or scary, or mean, or something like that. Besides, Eva Herzigova aint too shabby.

S.T. Lewis said...

I love that, of all the people in Hollywood, a guy looks most like you. How are determining who looks like who anyway? Ricky Schroder and I want to know.

disa said...